This week in 2017 I returned from a holistic retreat in one of the most beautiful parts of the state. After driving the first hour and 15 minutes, then stopping for groceries, I turned down the dirt road that would lead me down the final path to the secluded ranch, my anticipation level was high that I would find the affirmation I was seeking in certain areas of my life. The planned activities were varied, and each contributed in some way to the holistic nature of the retreat. I left there with affirmation about certain plans I wanted to put into motion, but still had uncertainty about others.
During that time, a wrench was thrown into my plans by an unexpected source. Since my affirmation was previously given by several sources, my initial disappointment gave way to the acknowledgment that sometimes we are put into God’s waiting room to experience transformation that might need to take place or to allow other circumstances to develop or other people involved to work through their own process in order for things to come to fruition and to work together for good.
Fast-forward to today while many of us are still in one form or another of quarantine due to a pandemic. Even I, as someone who is relational, yet still introverted and enjoys my own company, can see that restrictions, whether they have been mandated to us or whether we’ve placed them on ourselves for various reasons, can play an interesting game with our thoughts.
The waiting game…we are all players at this time, mostly not of our own choosing.
Waiting for either a job, since we lost ours, or waiting to see if or when we’ll go back to a normal workplace.
Waiting for money, a source of income, and provision
Waiting to travel, whether to get back to a postponed vacation, or waiting to be able to see family across the country, sad that we are not there to see our grandchild take his first steps in person.
Waiting for the awkwardness to go away when we come within close contact with friends or family from whom we’ve been separated for a while. Can we hug? Will I overstep their boundaries? Do the rules change whether we’re inside or outside?
When we have too much time on our hands, waiting leads to thinking, and thinking can lead to all kinds of anxious thoughts about things that may largely be out of our control. It’s hard not to think about the future when so much uncertainty circles around us. Clinging to hope that things will get better is sometimes all we have in the moment. Oswald Chambers says in Streams In The Desert that “waiting with hope is very difficult, but true patience is expressed when we must even wait for hope.”
I have been close to people who have depression and mental illness and know how difficult coping with life can be under even normal circumstances. I can’t imagine how they’re dealing with this imposed isolation.
For me, my faith has been at the core of what gets me through difficult times in life, even when I don’t understand the “why’s?” or God’s timeline of sitting in the “waiting room.” I do know that during the most horrendous, the most unfair, the most confusing and challenging times of my life, there has been tremendous spiritual growth in me. It’s important to have a network of people around you who will encourage and pray for you, but do you sometimes feel that even they don’t fully comprehend? Unless we’ve been in someone else’s shoes, judgment is perhaps not appropriate.
Being a Christ follower doesn’t mean that we will never experience trouble or sadness in our lives. In fact, the Bible says just the opposite. (2 Corinthians 5:10, 2 Timothy 3:12, Romans 8:35)
So, how do we overcome? How do we transform the anxious thoughts into thoughts of hope?
If you truly have a physiological problem and need to be on medication, please get the help you need from a qualified professional. But what I’m talking about here is a bit different in that our negative thought patterns come from our circumstances and not from something that is a medical condition. There are some simple ways to redirect your negative thoughts into something positive. It’s been proven that when we get the focus off of ourselves for a minute, we can actually shift our perspective by helping others and doing random acts of kindness.
Other ways to redirect our focus are by journaling, exercising, or going for a walk in the fresh air, counting your blessings – focus on what you do have rather than on what you don’t. And don’t get stuck in the “I’ll be happy when (fill in the blank) happens.” For most of my life, up until a few years ago, I was a person who lived pretty much for the things I hoped would happen in the future, instead of living more in the present and being grateful for the day that was in front of me – because that’s all we really have. When you do that, you no longer feel like you’re in the “waiting room.” What is it you’re waiting for? Ladies, stop saving the cute, strappy heels you bought for a special occasion that may never come. Put them on with your jeans and go hang out in the produce section of the grocery store! Guys, stop saving that hot air balloon ride for a proposal, and take your girl just because it’s Wednesday and you think she’s special.
I think so much of what is covered in the news and what you see on social media is so negative, so toxic, that either you can’t find the good news buried underneath, or else people, including the media, choose to report and editorialize what’s bad, what’s unsavory, what’s controversial, even what’s evil, because of the condition of their own hearts. What better way to feel validated in your own feelings and opinions by continually posting and talking about what’s negative instead of spreading positivity? Negativity catches and spreads like the flames of a California wildfire. Peoples’ negative voices keep stoking the fires of negativity like the blasting gusts of wind that stoke the wildfire.
When you continually think a thought, good or bad, you actually create new pathways in your brain that override what was previously there. A sort-of rewiring or cognitive restructuring. The good news is that this can be reversed! There is so much information out there about this, but one that I would recommend is Dr. Daniel Amen’s (yes, that’s his real name) book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. He also has many YouTube videos available. I am not a doctor or medical professional, but this book was recommended by a trusted therapist.
Another great relationship expert is Dr. Henry Cloud. I have had the privilege of hearing him speak in person on many occasions, and his books read just like he sounds and vice-versa. He has such insight on safe people, necessary endings, changes that heal, and many books on healthy boundaries in relationships. You can follow him on social media or opt in to some of his podcasts that go into greater depth.
So, whether this is a change of seasons or you’ve just celebrated a birthday, made a New Year’s resolution, lost a job, are waiting for your baby to be born, or are being prompted to take a fresh inventory of where you are in life, it’s a good reminder not to be so hard on yourself. It seems we are all in this together – all in one form or another of waiting.
Cherish what you have, work towards new goals, change what you can, choose safe people to support you, and work toward serenity.
What are your thoughts about waiting? Are you in a waiting room of sorts? Please share and be of encouragement to one another.
