As a little girl growing up, I always wondered what my life would be like. Would I be married? How many kids would I have? Where would I live?  Funny, though, I never gave a whole lot of thought to what career I might have. I sometimes pictured myself as a flight attendant, but my dislike of turbulence quickly quelled that notion. I also loved the arts – singing and acting – and thought I could be an entertainer someday.

My generation of women was never taught to find your passion, what it is you love and what your strengths are, and to pursue that for your future. I was never prepared for the fact that I might have to support myself someday and wouldn’t have a partner that would contribute financially to our life together. I remember my second-grade teacher, who produced all of our school plays and musicals in the small parochial school I attended during my grammar school years. She told my parents that she thought they should enroll me in The Goodman School of Drama, which was originally part of The Art Institute in Chicago and is now known as The Theatre School at DePaul University, which was the equivalent to the New York School of Performing Arts.

Times were different then, and my father wouldn’t even consider this. I grew up in a conservative Pentecostal church, and show business wasn’t considered a profession to which one should aspire. I was told that any creative gifts I had should be used in the church and not “in the world.”

I remember a few years later, my mom wanted to rent a piano and have me take piano lessons because she could see I had a good ear for music. But again, my father declined. That second-grade teacher continued to build into my talent and gave me speaking and singing parts all throughout grade school and Junior High. I also joined the Drama Club in high school and got the lead in the school play my senior year. The drama teacher and the teachers involved in the school play also affirmed my talent and built me up and encourage me to continue once I graduated. But since my uniqueness and creative gifts weren’t being nurtured by those to whom I was closest, and I couldn’t picture myself in another profession, I turned my attention to boys.

My aspirations from that point on became being a housewife and mother. The result from that, once I got to be of legal age, was to fall quickly for anyone I was dating, hoping the end result would give me the marriage and family I desired. I want to interject that if your aspirations as a woman take you no farther than wanting to be a wife and mother, THAT IS OKAY. Being a mom is the hardest job you’ll ever have. And without getting paid for it, and most times without getting the words of affirmation you deserve.

If what you get is children who grow up treating people with love and compassion and singing your praises for the wonderful job they think you did, that is all the return on that investment you will ever need. And being a wife and mother while also working a job outside the home is beyond admirable.

My stepfather, on the other hand, wanted to give me the advantages that would make my original dreams come true. A few years after I graduated high school, he offered to pay for tuition to Northwestern University, a Top 10 school that was known for its Liberal Arts & Music program. I’ll never know what would have happened if I had taken him up on that offer. By that time, I had been dating my first real boyfriend for about two years and could only think of getting married. Not to mention the fact that if I didn’t have to take all the other required college classes to get my degree, I might have done it.

But the main reason, I think, is because when you’re a child who feels “different” from your family and friends, and your dreams and aspirations keep getting knocked down by well-meaning adults, you feel defeated, and your self-esteem has taken a beating. Here I had someone finally believing in me and offering me a future on a silver platter, and I didn’t have the belief in myself to even think I could succeed at it.

Fast-forward to two marriages, infertility issues, one miscarriage, and one child later, and I could see that my life was not turning out the way I envisioned. I take full responsibility for the choices I made that were not the wisest and that didn’t serve me well. The consequences of some of these choices still affect me to this day.

I worked at different jobs to earn a living – but that were just a means to an end and didn’t ignite my passion like the arts. Although I never earned a living at singing or acting, I did pursue both as a hobby, mostly volunteering in choirs, church vocal teams, singing at weddings and funerals, and doing a few family theater productions with my son. I worked to improve my voice with different vocal coaches and so much enjoyed the camaraderie of the people whose paths crossed mine.

Sometimes we don’t fit into either the square pegs or the round holes where people try to put us. I think it’s important to figure out what your passions and gifts are and to try to develop them to their fullest potential. I haven’t sung in public for a while, but I have always had a love for the written word, so that is my creative outlet at this time in my life. It’s one of the reasons why I started my blog, which I had wanted to do for a while, so just know that it’s never too late. And your profession may not be aligned with the aspirations you had for yourself, but if you can find some way to incorporate your passion into your life, whether you get paid for it or not, it will feed your soul. And whatever that “thing” is, God just might use it to touch some people along the way.

• What were your aspirations growing up? 
• Did you have a teacher or mentor who was instrumental in your life?
• What are some of the ways you’ve felt held back?

I’d love to hear your stories.