Two years ago today, I moved out of the apartment in which I had lived for four years, after having lived in my parents’ home for the previous four years after moving to Arizona from The Midwest.  This time of year during the last part of September going into October always has me reflecting on past years. Maybe it’s the change of seasons that causes this reflection. Although, in Arizona the more noticeable change of seasons comes in Winter, unless you drive to the Northern part of the state, where leaves are now changing and the vegetation is more similar to The Midwest. More so than the temperature change or the noticeable difference in the landscape from the new season, I think this time of year has just become the gateway for re-evaluating where we are in life, what has changed, what needs to change, how that looks going forward, and being thankful for all of it.

Last week was the anniversary of when I walked down the aisle for the second time to get married.  Although that relationship has been over for many years, it made me think of the parallels between emotional pain and physical pain and how we deal with pain.

Several years ago, I developed sciatica and some degenerative arthritis.  It started out slowly as an ache that was tolerable, but then one morning I woke up and the pain was so severe that I couldn’t even stay in a sitting position without being on the verge of tears!  (Not good for someone with a desk job who had a two-plus hour commute every day!)

Now mind you, up until this point in my life I had dealt with a lot of emotional pain and pretty much knew how to deal with that.  But I wasn’t prepared for the type of constant physical pain that is with you every day.  My first response – Crying!  My second response – “Give me drugs!”  You might be thinking, “But, Dawn, you gave birth!  How did you handle THAT?”  Answer:  Drugs!  And a short labor.

Looking back at how I’ve handled emotional pain in my life I had many things that helped me through – a strong faith and spiritual life, a wonderful support system of family and friends, therapy – if I felt it was appropriate to the situation, volunteering – to take the focus off of myself, and…TIME…

After consulting a handful of doctors, I was presented with the options of various meds, physical therapy, and shots.  At their recommendation I opted for physical therapy (the long route) and various medications short-term that addressed different symptoms.  After the first three or four PT sessions I didn’t really notice any improvements.  “How are you doing?” people would ask.  My response – “It hurts to move.”  WHEN IS THIS PAIN GOING TO GO AWAY?

After finishing the medications, I was really tempted to take the shortcut and go for the shot– but I pressed on and went through the pain.  I began to see a slight improvement but the therapist told me it would take…TIME…So I began to work some new things into my life since the pain was now a part of it.  In addition to the things I mentioned I also did the ice-pack/heat alternative therapy, I adjusted the way I had to sit, I adjusted the way I walked, which resulting in me limping because the numbness in my foot and leg made me feel tentative about putting all my weight down, but then my body was all out of whack because of the over-compensation from using the other side. 

And it’s the same with emotional healing.  We can try to take the shortcut route and not deal with the pain or engage in any number of activities to numb the pain.  Or we can do all those things people say we’re supposed to do, and we adjust our life to accommodate our new pain.  But it takes…TIME…And sometimes it hurts to move…

But then, after awhile, you find yourself feeling better, sometimes even forgetting about the pain for a period of time.  So you keep doing what you’re doing.  Training and disciplining your body to heal.  Training your mind to think new thoughts.  I’m not saying that you ever forget the pain.  Sometimes physical pain returns because we slack off in those practices that helped us to recover.  Sometimes emotional pain returns because we repeat behavior patterns that are unhealthy.  But it takes…TIME…

I know it sometimes hurts to move – be it moving your body physically to heal, moving forward emotionally to heal, or moving across town to start a new chapter in your book called “life,” try to keep everything in perspective and keep looking to what lies ahead.  It will just take…TIME.

If I have learned anything during this time of quarantining while everyone is waiting for everything to get back to normal, is that there is no “normal.” THIS is the new normal. Because there is so much that we can’t control, find something for which to be thankful in each new day. We’re always waiting for everyone around us or our circumstances to change, but we should realize that change comes from within each of us.

Nothing is static. Things keep moving. It may be uncomfortable, but sometimes moving forward is our only choice. It hurts to move. But sometimes it will hurt us more if we don’t…